| Body |
-What are you doing here?- Alexander asked me, his voice icy and clearly angry.
What was I doing here? That was a good question, and I had the most beautiful answer, at least for me. But after finding them in Alexander's office while I was supposed to be "away," I asked myself the same question.
What was I doing here?
What was I doing with a man who had become so cold towards me, someone who had stopped caring?
What was I doing begging for his attention or a caress from the man I left everything for?
What was I doing, enduring all of this, his indifference, his family's humiliation, his infidelity, his betrayal?
-Now it all makes sense.- I said, thinking about his lack of interest in me in recent months. Tears blurred my vision, but I didn't let a single one fall. -I didn't expect this from you, Rachel.-
I took a deep breath. I wasn't going to make a scene on the executive floor. Even though that was the least they deserved, my principles wouldn't allow it. The best thing I could do was leave it at that. I wouldn't demand anything from either of them, and I didn't want to hear any explanations, if they even wanted to excuse themselves. But judging by Alex's angry expression and my "friend's" almost non-existent mocking smile, I knew I wouldn't even receive an apology.
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- Who is that woman? - asked Alexander from his seat, amazed at the most elegant and classy woman he had ever seen in his life. Even though he couldn't see her face clearly from where he was sitting, he was sure he had never seen her before. Otherwise, he wouldn't be able to get her out of his head for a second and wouldn't hesitate to entangle her in his seductive web.
Her brown hair didn't need an elaborate hairstyle, nor did she need too much makeup to catch the attention of any man who passed by her side. The waves of her hair fell delicately on her shoulder, revealing the grace of her back. Her glowing skin looked so delicate and smooth.
Her silver dress swayed back and forth as she danced with an older man. The first thing that crossed Alexander's mind was that she was dancing with her father, until the assistant replied.
- It's Sarah Petit, sir, your ex-wife. - Those words echoed in his head over and over again as he remembered the woman he had been married to for two years. The woman he thought he loved, the one who didn't stir a hair in him.
What irony.
Now she was rocking his world.
I had the pregnancy test in my hands, I hadn't wanted to take it just because of a few simple nausea, but my mother practically forced me and I had no choice but to obey her, the result appeared within minutes and my heart began to beat uncontrollably in my chest.
It couldn't be.
It was impossible.
I was pregnant.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, if this had happened six months ago, I would undoubtedly be jumping with excitement before running to shout it to the world, but at this moment, my marriage to the great fashion industry businessman, Alexander Lancaster, was hanging by a thread.
After two years of marriage, he became indifferent, cold, he treated me as if I didn't exist and it was rare for him to even touch me, so I knew perfectly well the day it was conceived. That night he came home from a cocktail, it had been a long time since I had seen him so excited, and when he finished, he fell asleep next to me in bed, I thought everything would return to normal, but I was wrong, the next day he barely greeted me.
Tears welled up in my eyes and my mother didn't take long to wrap me in her arms.
-Sarah, this is great news, you shouldn't get depressed, it's what your marriage needed, I'm sure Alex will change when he finds out he's going to be a father.- My mother made an effort to encourage me, although I have always thought that a child would never be the solution to problems and doubted that the child I carry in my womb would be the reason to recover my marriage, to recover Alex.
-I've never agreed with that, I can't use a child to make everything go back to how it was.- My voice came out broken but understandable, my mother looked at me as if I were saying a lot of nonsense.
She approached the closet and took out my suitcase, along with all my carefully folded clothes.
-Come on, pack your things, you'll return on the next flight, you'll go to your husband and tell him you're going to be parents, you'll see how everything will improve, you love each other, you'll be a happy family and you'll give all the love to my grandchild.- I would love to have my mother's enthusiasm, even though she had never met Alexander in person, she had so much faith that he could become the loving husband he was in the beginning.
-Leave? Now? My flight is in four days.- I said without taking my eyes off my mother, who meticulously folded each garment in my suitcase.
-You'll leave on the private jet, more comfortable and relaxing. You can think about what you're going to say to Alexander when you arrive on the way. Keep packing, I'll let the pilot know to prepare everything for your trip.- She left the last garment she had managed to fold and left the suite with her cellphone in her hand, leaving me alone with my half-full luggage.
I wiped the tears on my cheeks, looking for the positive side of the news, and I didn't take long to find it. I touched my still flat stomach, as if I could feel the life growing inside me, then all the bad disappeared, I was going to become a mother and the best part was that I would have a child with the man I loved.
I would be a mother.
I repeated it over and over again in my head, while with a smile on my face, I began to pack the clothes I brought for my short vacation and week-long visit to my mother in Orlando.
I took a deep breath when I arrived in New York, nerves were bubbling in my system and my legs couldn't stop trembling.
My mother's idea turned out to be a complete failure, I couldn't relax or think about how I would tell Alex the news, all I did was caress my stomach and think about all the negative.
I took a taxi that would take me home, along the way I called Alexander a couple of times on his cellphone, I wanted to know where he was so I could surprise him, but the call went straight to voicemail.
Okay, no problem with that, he was probably at the company right now. It was only two in the afternoon, so I planned everything in my head.
I left the luggage at home and rushed to the company with the pregnancy test in a gift box that my mother got me. Yes, that was how detailed my mother was. I wouldn't have thought of such a thing.
My plans were short, but precise, and they would have worked perfectly if it weren't for Alexander's sister being at my house. As soon as she saw me arrive, she didn't waste time giving me a look of annoyance, as if she couldn't stand my presence or as if her eyes suffered just from seeing my face.
-The one who wasn't needed has arrived.- She rolled her eyes and continued what she was doing, trying on the new collection that Lancaster Collection was going to launch in a month.
The living room was a mess, with many items of clothing scattered everywhere, while a couple of designers from the company advised her. She seemed to forget that she was in my house and she was the intruder here. -Who gave you permission to come in?-
- Well, sorry for coming to MY house. - I emphasized the word "my" and she looked at me with a mocking smile, as if she found it amusing what I just said.
-Your house? It's my brother's house and I have more right to be here than you do. You should know your place. You're nothing but a gold digger. - she said with such arrogance that I wanted to slap her across the face, but I preferred not to give her attention and continue with my plans.
She doesn't even know what she's saying, she can't see beyond her own nose.
I was never liked by Gina, Alexander's younger sister, and even less by his mother. They always took every opportunity to humiliate me, always with the same topic, that a beggar like me would never have a place next to a successful man like Alexander, born into a wealthy family.
I tried not to pay attention to each of the Lancaster's attacks, as I preferred to avoid future conflicts. I didn't even tell Alexander about it, the last thing I wanted was to create a bigger problem where his family would be portrayed as the villains, and even though they were, I wouldn't hesitate to defend them with all my might, before myself. I just had to swallow the mistreatment from these two women and keep as much distance from them as possible.
And now more than ever, since I just found out that Alexander's child is growing inside me, I had to stay calm for the sake of both of us.
What they, and even Alexander, didn't know was that I came from a recognized, powerful, and even more influential and wealthy family than the Lancasters. But I put my family aside when we both fell in love in college and decided to take the next step after graduation; we got married, vowed to love and respect each other until death do us part.
Of course, my family never agreed with my relationship with Alexander, they didn't want to meet him either, so my father gave me a choice: marry him or take my position in the Doinel fashion house.
My mother was the only one who supported me, although she preferred to keep her distance because she didn't want to go against my father.
I saw my mother twice a year, I haven't seen my father since I got married.
I wiped away my tears as I remembered the last day I saw him. He didn't seem happy with my decision, as he wanted me to follow in his footsteps and become as important in the fashion world as he was. However, I remembered the last thing he said to me.
-Fly, fly high, but don't let them clip your wings, and if that happens, remember that I'll be waiting for you with open arms to mend your wings and teach you once again to wait for the right moment to take a long flight.-
I missed my father so much, especially in moments when Alexander treated me with such indifference and coldness, as if he no longer felt anything for me, when I felt that he no longer desired me, when he barely looked at me before sleeping. I couldn't remember the last time he told me he loved me.
In those moments, I missed my father, because he wouldn't allow his daughter to be treated that way, he couldn't allow me to settle for so little when he gave me everything.
Fifteen minutes had passed since I parked outside Lancaster Collection. Every time I gathered the courage to finally go in, negative thoughts returned.
What if he didn't want it?
What if he got mad at me?
To hell with it all, there was no reason to be afraid. If he didn't want it, I would give my baby double the love. And if he got angry, let him be angry. We were both responsible for this unexpected pregnancy. We were a "happily" married couple. We were mature and aware adults.
I took a deep breath and got out of my car with the small gift box in my hand. My nerves were running high. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears. How could something so simple be so complicated?
No, the real question was, why was I making this so complicated?
It was as simple as going to his office, greeting him, giving him the gift box, and waiting for his reaction.
I hoped it was as simple as that.
I slipped among the desperate and stressed workers rushing back and forth. The company always became a real stress when they were about to launch a new collection.
I didn't dare announce my arrival because I wanted everything to be a surprise. I entered the elevator just as it was about to close and positioned myself in a corner, pretending to look at my phone with my hair covering my face so that the people beside me wouldn't recognize me.
It might seem silly, but I felt like if someone noticed that I was in the company, they would inform Alex and ruin the surprise.
Small details that were important to me.
The only test I had left to pass was that of his secretary, but luckily she wasn't at her desk when I arrived on the executive floor.
Well, I was here now and there was no turning back.
As soon as I put my hand on the doorknob, I froze upon hearing the noise on the other side. My heart skipped a beat as I prayed for this to be a misunderstanding, for those moans to be a product of my imagination and the nerves that wouldn't leave me even for a second.
I was on the verge of turning around and leaving, trying to convince myself that it wasn't what I had in my head, but then I saw Alex's secretary coming out of the elevator and panic set in.
I opened Alexander's office door without hesitation, only to be met with the worst scene of my life.
I swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the knot in my throat, but it was impossible. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. How did it even occur to me that it could be a misunderstanding? How stupid.
My husband was with my best friend.
The people I trusted the most, after my parents, whom I met years ago in a shared class at university. That pair of people who didn't deserve to be called husband and best friend.
Both of them looked at me in surprise and immediately covered up, as if I hadn't just seen them.
-What are you doing here?- Alexander asked me, his voice icy and clearly angry.
What was I doing here? That was a good question, and I had the most beautiful answer, at least for me. But after finding them in Alexander's office while I was supposed to be "away," I asked myself the same question.
What was I doing here?
What was I doing with a man who had become so cold towards me, someone who had stopped caring?
What was I doing begging for his attention or a caress from the man I left everything for?
What was I doing, enduring all of this, his indifference, his family's humiliation, his infidelity, his betrayal?
-Now it all makes sense.- I said, thinking about his lack of interest in me in recent months. Tears blurred my vision, but I didn't let a single one fall. -I didn't expect this from you, Rachel.-
I took a deep breath. I wasn't going to make a scene on the executive floor. Even though that was the least they deserved, my principles wouldn't allow it. The best thing I could do was leave it at that. I wouldn't demand anything from either of them, and I didn't want to hear any explanations, if they even wanted to excuse themselves. But judging by Alex's angry expression and my "friend's" almost non-existent mocking smile, I knew I wouldn't even receive an apology.
-Sir, I apologize. I didn't realize Mrs. Lancaster had arrived.- I looked over my shoulder at the secretary who had apparently arrived at some point and was now covering her face to avoid seeing the exhibitionists on the couch.
But of course, there had to be an accomplice to these two, and of course, she was apologizing because she had just screwed up. And probably, the mistake of letting me continue to the boss's office would cost her the job or maybe a good portion of her salary.
-Unbelievable, everyone thought they could fool me.- I let out a hollow laugh and instinctively hid the gift box behind my back.This was not a good time to give the news of my pregnancy, neither did I think tomorrow would be, nor in a week, nor in a month or a year.
The secretary lowered her head, obviously sorry for me, and turned around to leave the office.
- Sarah, go home, we'll talk there. - He said as he zipped up his pants. Rachel, on the other hand, turned her back to adjust her dress.
They should be ashamed.
- No, Alexander, we won't talk at home, or anywhere else, we are going to spare ourselves all of this, it is more than evident that you stopped loving me, if you ever did, this marriage makes no sense, you prefer the caresses of another over your own wife. You swore to love and respect me, but that oath was too much for you. I set myself free for you to do as you please. - I took off my wedding ring, taking advantage that neither of them saw me, so that they wouldn't notice the gift box I had in my hand, and I left the ring on the desk. - I will send you the divorce papers.-
I turned around and left the office furiously, with my heart shattered into a thousand pieces and my wings broken. The only thing that kept me strong, with my head held high, was my child growing in my womb, the only person deserving of all my love.
A rebellious tear escaped my eye, and just as I was about to reach the elevator, I heard the female voice of that woman who I once called my best friend, the one I confided my deepest secrets to, who ended up being more false than the "until death do us part" between Alexander and I.
- Sarah, I... -
I raised my hand in a stop gesture, so she wouldn't keep talking. I didn't want to hear what she had to say. At this moment, she was a stranger to me.
-I don't want to hear you, Rachel, I don't intend to cause a scene in Alexander's company, just stay away from me, you're not who I thought you were.- I said, remembering her expression when I found them in the office, her satisfied face would never fade from my memory.
-That's why you're nobody, believe me, you're doing me a favor with this, don't be surprised when you see Alexander Lancaster and Rachel Duncan's grand wedding in the magazines, as it should have been from the beginning, thanks for clearing the path for me.-
I looked at her with a bitter smile on my face, and it was inevitable to release a sigh of relief? Grief?
Yes, grief for her, for how low she had fallen by believing that she was gaining so much from this, for thinking that this was a competition to see who Alexander would end up with.
I gifted it to her wrapped in gift paper, and I didn't accept returns.
-I pity your mediocre thoughts, you think you've gained so much, but I've gained even more by getting rid of a couple of vipers like you, because losing also means winning. Congratulations, friend, enjoy it.- I gave her a fake half-smile, and her raised eyebrow with annoyance made me realize that she expected a different reaction from me, for me to go crazy and end up yelling in her face, or even hitting her.
But no.
That wasn't Sarah Doinel, there was something more painful than punches, something that deafened more than screams, words, and indifference, and it was noticeable that everything I said destabilized her, she wanted to mess with me, but she was the one who was going to end up worse off.
-Well, I've made millions of dollars, which you're losing.- she said as if that had been my final blow, as if I had been with Alexander for his money, when in reality, I didn't even touch a penny.
-Let's talk when your mindset isn't so poor and empty.- I gave her one last look from head to toe, and I glanced sideways at Alexander, who was leaving his office so calmly that no one would notice that just a few minutes ago, he was screwing my former best friend.
I continued my way to the elevator before he could come up to me to say something, I didn't want to see him, he disgusted me so much at this moment, I wanted to vomit and I wasn't sure if it was because of the pregnancy or because of the whirlwind of emotions I'm having right now.
I hadn't noticed the looks from some curious onlookers who enjoyed the little spectacle, and most of them looked at me as if I had come out of a boxing ring without a scratch.
I entered the elevator accompanied by some coworkers I know, however, they didn't dare greet me, in fact, the silence was so overwhelming that it was deafening.
I rushed to my car, ignoring the mess that still remained in reception, my hands tightly held the gift box, afraid that it could slip out of my hands at any moment, the lump in my throat grew bigger and it was strange that I had spoken to Rachel without my voice breaking.
Tears threatened to escape and didn't let me see perfectly. Nevertheless, I reached the car and did what I wanted to do since I heard the first moan in Alexander's office.
To cry.
The first thing I did after calming my tears was to call my mother. My hands were shaking and I felt so weak, so shattered, that I didn't feel capable of driving. All I did was park a block away from the Lancaster company.
-Sarah, darling, tell me everything, I want details. How did he take it? Did you give him the box like I told you? How did everything turn out?-
I pressed my forehead against the steering wheel and let out a sigh that hurt in my chest.
I wasn't going to cry again, not while talking to my mom.
They didn't deserve my tears.
"I'm going to get a divorce" was the only response I gave, ignoring all the questions she surely asked with excitement on her face, only to have it vanish with my answer.
I didn't hear anything on the other end of the line, and I would have thought the call was dropped if I didn't hear my mother's breathing.
-Oh God, was it that bad?- My mother asked, although it seemed like a question for herself, as I could barely hear her. -Don't worry, Sarah, it's normal at the beginning. Give him a few days to process it, and you'll see that everything will work out.-
I let out a silent bitter laugh and wiped away a tear that rolled down my cheek.
If only everything were as easy as saying it.
-Mom, Alexander cheated on me with my best friend. I couldn't even tell him he's going to be a father.- I said with a choked voice, taking a deep breath to suppress the urge to cry.
-What? Sarah, if this is one of your jokes, I warn you that I won't fall for it so easily anymore.-
I wish it were just a joke, but it was nothing but sad reality. I stayed silent, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat, but it had settled there and didn't seem to want to disappear.
-This can't be.-
-What should I do?- I asked, letting all my weight sink into the car seat, and my free hand rested on my belly.
The idea of my child not knowing his father terrified me. I was being selfish, and I should think about what's best for my baby with a clear head.
-Leonardo will be happy to have you back, especially knowing that you're going to give him a grandchild. The jet hasn't returned to Orlando yet. I'll be waiting for you. Just bring what you need. Tomorrow, we'll go see your father.-
Just thinking about my father, about his annoyed gaze for leaving everything for someone who didn't give me anything, made my skin crawl.
I could already hear him saying "I told you so".
-Do you think he'll take me back?- I asked, feeling insecure. My nerves, anger, and sadness were starting to calm down. Talking to my mother does me good.
-He'll be thrilled to see you. Don't waste any more time. Move on. I want you here as soon as possible, and don't worry, dear, everything will be fine. Remember, you're not alone, you're expecting a baby.- That brought a genuine smile to my face. It was the only reason why I wasn't completely falling apart right now.
I ended the call with my mother and drove to Alexander's house, no, it wasn't my house anymore. Gina was still in the house, with the living room even messier than before. She said something to me, but I didn't even stop to listen. I went up to the bedroom and looked for the most important things: my ID, my documents, the jewelry my parents gave me. I kept them as a relic; I would die if I were to lose them. And of course, I couldn't forget the box with the pregnancy test.
I left the car keys and the credit cards Alexander gave me, which I never used, on the bed, and hurried to leave the house after making sure I had everything I needed. I didn't take any clothes except the ones I was wearing.
I didn't give Gina the slightest chance to talk. I wasn't in the mood for her nonsense, and I was glad to know that I would never see her again, nor Alexander, and especially not his mother.
Goodbye, Lancaster family.
...
My body trembled, and it wasn't because of the cold. I was only minutes away from meeting my father. I knew the way to Doinel Villa by heart, despite the time I spent away. The driver was driving in silence, occasionally glancing at me through the rearview mirror. He seemed surprised and happy to see me, but he didn't dare say a word, and I didn't want to make it awkward.
-You're going to love the renovations we made to the house. By the way, we have a dog now. Your father felt very lonely after you left for good and adopted Brandy. She's the most spoiled, obviously, by Leonardo. I just hope he doesn't neglect her with your arrival.- My mother talked non-stop, updating me on the changes in the past years. It was starting to overwhelm me, even though I knew she was doing it to distract me.
She was doing a good job. I rarely thought about the failure of my marriage, but I couldn't stop thinking about the moment I see my father. That was what had me on edge, more so than when I was about to tell Alexander that I was pregnant.
-What if he slams the door in my face?- I asked, putting aside all the information she was giving me.
She let out a little laugh, she looked so beautiful and elegant with the sun rays hitting her tanned face. How I wished to look as radiant and happy as my mother.
-That won't happen, whatever happens, he is your father and will never turn his back on you.- She said. I didn't want to believe it, but if my mother said so, it made me feel less worried.
-Trust me, Sarah, your father is happy for your return, he is eagerly waiting.- She said, and my eyes widened in surprise.
Okay, I didn't expect him to be here at this moment and at this hour in the Villa, now I was even more nervous.
-I don't know how I will face him.- I confessed, ashamed. As I fidgeted in my seat, we were already arriving home, the one I should never have left.
-With the same face as always and with a huge smile.- She said. It was so easy for her to say it, smile, I had forgotten what it was like to smile, lately I haven't had enough reasons to do so.
The Rolls Royce stopped in front of the angel fountain, and in front of it, there were the stairs that led to the entrance of the villa. I couldn't believe that I was here again, in the place where I grew up and had such beautiful memories with my parents.
Home, sweet home.
My home, so big and ostentatious, but as cozy as I remembered, surrounded by green areas, lush trees, and far away from the city, the perfect place, as far away as possible from the Lancasters and that woman who claimed to be my friend.
The driver opened the car door and I got out after my mother. The wind tousled my hair, it felt so good, so liberating to be here, I just hoped my mother was right and my father accepted me back, I needed them now more than ever.
My mother took me by the hands and infected me with her good mood and cheerful smile. Together, we climbed the steps and I noticed the first change they made to the house, the old door had been replaced by a modern one with glass included, very nice. My mom opened the door and gestured for me to enter.
I felt like a stranger standing at the entrance of the house, trembling with fear and with my heart pounding hard in my chest.
I put aside my insecurity and walked into the house. Immediately, I was greeted by the barks of a dog who came up to sniff me. I didn't know much about dog breeds, but I knew it was a cocker, because I always wanted one when I was a child.
-You must be Brandy, how beautiful you are.- I crouched down to pet her soft fur, and she seemed so adorable when she threw herself on the floor to have her belly rubbed. I didn't know her, but I already loved her.
-Brandy, where are you going?- I stopped petting Brandy when I heard that familiar voice so close that, when I wanted to react, I realized that he was already standing a few meters away from me. I was left breathless, I had forgotten to breathe correctly. A tingling sensation ran from my stomach to my chest when his green gaze locked with mine, and I was only able to move when I felt something wet in my hand.
Brandy was licking me.
-Hello, dad.-
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