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It was the fall of my senior year in high school, and the weather had gotten chilly.
Felix White's uncles, Duncan White and Eugene White, had brought their families over for a visit, and my family joined them. His family members and mine added up to about 20 people, and we were all gathered at his house for a meal.
With the help of drinks, the atmosphere that night had become rather lively.
Since there were so many people present that day, the men were all seated at one table for drinks while the women were seated together to chat.
Everyone was chatting excitedly, and it was an extremely joyous day.
Somehow, the conversation had shifted to talk about me and Felix.
This happened every single time our families gathered together. It was quite awkward at first, but it happened so often that I had gotten used to it. It didn't faze me anymore.
They could say whatever they liked. It wasn't as if I could do anything about it.
Melinda Priceton was Felix's mother, and I called her Aunt Mel.
Aunt Mel had been peeling a shrimp as she said, "Time really does fly. The children are all grown up now. They'll be leaving us soon after they take their SATs next year."
"You're right! It would be great if Lulu could continue her studies at a college nearby. She's still quite immature. I'm worried about letting her live on her own if she goes off to a college far away," Mom replied.
"There's a simple solution for that! We'll just let Lulu and Felix enroll in the same college! Felix will take good care of Lulu!" Aunt Mel exclaimed.
Just like that, my college plans had been settled. I was right there with them, but no one even bothered to ask for my opinion.
Uncle Austin had two sons. His eldest son, Colin White, was 24 years old and currently pursuing his master's degree in fine art at Lincoln University. He specialized in watercolor painting. Colin rarely came home. All along, I treated him like an older brother.
Uncle Austin's youngest son was Felix. Felix was one year older than me, and we grew up together. As such, I always thought that we had a good relationship with each other.
Ever since I could walk on my own, I shadowed him wherever he went.
Ever since I could speak, the word that I said the most was his name.
Ever since I understood what love was, he took root in my heart, and my feelings for him kept growing.
I liked him—a lot.
Before that conversation, I had never actually given much thought to going to the same college as him. From a young age, I had been practicing watercolor painting. I didn't mind which college I went to, as long as it offered the degree I wanted.
I was fine with letting our mothers make a decision that pleased them both.
As for my feelings for him … Well, if a love between two people was meant to last forever, who cared about momentary separation?
I admitted that I liked him. I liked him so much that during the nights when my mind was consumed by the thought of him, I swore that I would marry him.
I liked him so much that I thought he would be the one for me for the rest of my life.
I was sitting next to Aunt Mel while Felix sat behind me at the men's table. Felix and I had our backs to each other. Our mothers weren't exactly quiet, so he could hear everything clearly.
After sneaking a glance at his expression, I could tell he looked displeased.
At that time, I couldn't quite understand why he had reacted the way he did, but I didn't think too much about it. After all, he was never the type to smile easily. Indifference was his norm.
"It would be good if they started their family young and focused on their careers afterward. Once they both graduate from college, they can decide on a suitable city to settle down in. I'll help pay for their marital home so that they can get married as soon as possible. That way, they can focus on their work.
"But if they decide to have a child first, the two of us can move in with them and help raise our grandchild!" Aunt Mel said to Mom excitedly.
"Aunt Mel … what are you saying …" I protested. After all, I was only 18 years old. Hearing our mothers talk about us having a child together made me so embarrassed that I wanted to hide myself.
Aunt Mel placed the shrimp that she had just peeled onto my plate and lightly patted my cheek.
"What's there to be embarrassed about? It'll happen soon enough!" she cooed.
"In that case, I should start preparing for her future wedding! Now that you've brought it up, it feels like we don't have much time left. I really need to start making plans," Mom exclaimed.
My mother had always been easily excited. I had a feeling that if she wasn't in the middle of dinner, she would probably rush home to check her savings account. She would also be talking to Dad about the right car to get for me and the decor suitable for my future house.
Chapter 2
My mother was a broad-minded and decisive person who took a direct approach to life.
Meanwhile, Duncan had been sitting at the other table and was clearly quite drunk. He laughed out loud before he said in his booming voice, "That's right. Our kids have all grown up now. You are … Harper, right? When your daughter and Melinda's son get married, don't forget to invite us to the wedding as well!"
"Of course! You're Felix's uncle! You would certainly be invited!" Mom replied cheerfully.
Just like that, the conversation quickly switched from what college we were attending to the ways everyone would be chipping in for our wedding. If I didn't know better, I'd have assumed I was getting married tomorrow!
Everyone was now engaged in an enthusiastic discussion about the wedding. Even one of Felix's young relatives, a mere child, was excitedly declaring that he wanted to be the flower boy.
I lost interest in this conversation quite quickly.
I had heard it countless times before, so there was no use wasting my breath trying to stop them from talking about it. Thus, I just focused on eating while everyone else talked.
Though I liked Felix, marriage felt like something too far in the future for me to consider. It was much too early to even discuss it. Besides, shouldn't we be the ones in charge of our wedding plans? I couldn't possibly let them do whatever they wanted for my big event. The final say belonged to me.
I was serious about my intention to marry Felix. Our wedding had to be something that the both of us planned together.
However, that was just my own opinion, and Felix had a mind of his own.
I was still young back then. It never crossed my mind that a relationship involved two people. By the time I understood that, it was already too late.
My young, naive heart had been ripped into shreds by how Felix had acted that fateful night. I never expected him to do what he did. He used harsh, hurtful words to force me to give up on my love for him.
Our mothers were still discussing our marriage when he suddenly shot to his feet. He must've been very worked up since he stood up so aggressively that his chair skidded noisily behind him before crashing onto the ground.
I had been focused on eating my food. The commotion practically made me jump out of my seat. I stared at him in confusion with my mouth still full.
I had never seen Felix like this.
Fury was written all over his face, and his lanky figure was trembling slightly. However, what scared me the most was the anger in his eyes and the frustration on his face.
He glared at me and spat, "This is all your fault. You're constantly following me around, but I can't say or do anything about it! Stay away from me! Stop following me around!"
I hadn't expected him to say something like that. I stared at him dumbfounded. My jaw also dropped in disbelief, and the half-eaten shrimp fell onto the floor.
In that instant, the room turned dead silent. I could feel the blood rush to my head, making my face flush and my ears ring.
His words were no different from accusing me of being a shameless simp, and he had done it right in front of everyone.
Tears welled up in my eyes, and it felt as if my breath had caught in my throat, making it hard for me to breathe.
What did I do? Why did Felix have to humiliate me in front of everyone? All I did was like him. I only wanted to be with him. Was that a crime? Or … did the thought of me liking him disgust him so much that he started to hate me?
It was fine if he didn't like me or didn't care about me, but he should've told me that at an appropriate time!
He shouldn't have allowed me to get caught up in my presumptuous thoughts and feelings about our relationship, only to accuse me of shamelessly clinging to him.
I was not shameless. I just liked him.
Was this his way of making me give up? If it was, then he was heartless!
Chapter 3
Felix wasn't done yet.
"Who gave you guys the right to make my life decisions for me? Luna's her own person, and I'm my own person too. We lead separate lives, so do you guys keep pairing us up?
"I will never attend the same college as her, so you all can just forget it!" Felix shouted as he glared at everyone in the house.
His eyes were filled with hate. It made me want to curl up into a ball out of embarrassment.
The house remained completely silent. The little boy who wanted to be the flower boy at my future wedding wailed as he buried his face in his mother's neck. "Mom, Felix is angry!"
His mother carried him out to the balcony to console him.
Everyone's gaze was on me, and I could feel my heart throbbing in pain. How I wished I would just pass out then and there. That would be better than enduring the pitiful looks everyone was shooting me.
18 years. We spent every day together for 18 years. He was my world, and I gave him everything. Yet, all I got was humiliation.
He had trampled all over my dignity and self-worth in front of his whole family and mine …
Felix was heartless!
My father was a high school teacher. He was mild-mannered and rarely lost his temper. However, his face had flushed crimson because of Felix's harsh words, and his hands had balled into fists.
If we weren't in Felix's house right now, I had a feeling that Dad would've punched Felix for hurting me.
Mom also looked angry and embarrassed. Her jaw was agape, and her expression was one of utter disbelief.
She probably never thought that the boy she knew since he was a baby would humiliate her daughter like this.
Uncle Austin was the first to react. Seeing how awkward and humiliated I looked, he immediately shouted at Felix, "Quiet! How could you say that?"
"And why can't I? To me, Luna is nothing more than a neighbor. At most, I can treat her like she's my sister. I'll never marry her, nor will I ever attend the same college as her.
"I want to date and marry someone I truly love. None of you get to have a say in my love life! Besides, I'll never have feelings for Luna, so stop talking about us like that. If I ever hear anyone say anything like that again, I'll leave and never come back!" Felix yelled as the veins on his forehead throbbed.
Then, he turned to me and snarled, "And you, Luna, stop following me around! You're annoying and suffocating."
Felix threw down his cutlery and started to leave.
Uncle Austin looked around at Mom, Dad, and me before he angrily stalked up to Felix. He grabbed Felix by the collar and slapped him, scolding, "You rebellious boy! How dare you speak like this to your parents? Who taught you to behave like that?"
Uncle Austin must've been very upset. The slap was loud enough to make me shudder.
It was my first time seeing Uncle Austin lose his temper and also my first time seeing Felix get hit.
Felix hadn't expected Uncle Austin to hit him, so he was caught off guard. The impact of Uncle Austin's slap sent him reeling, and he hit his head on the corner of the wall.
Felix let out a low hiss of pain as he stared at Uncle Austin in disbelief. I could tell from his eyes that anger was swirling in him. He slumped to the floor in pain, leaving an unmistakable streak of red on the pristine white walls.
The stench of blood permeated the air and mixed with the scent of food. It was nauseating.
Aunt Mel saw that Felix was hurt and rushed forward while crying out anxiously, "Felix! Are you alright? Can you stand? Dear, call an ambulance! Can't you see that your son is hurt? Why couldn't we just talk this out? Why did you have to hit him?"
"Ignore him. He needs to be taught a lesson. He shouldn't have said such things! Doesn't he have any sense of decency?" Uncle Austin barked.
Chapter 4
Mom shot Dad a look, and Dad pulled out his phone to call for an ambulance.
When Felix saw Dad calling for an ambulance, he pushed Aunt Mel away aggressively and forced himself onto his feet to snatch Dad's phone away.
Aunt Mel lost her footing and stumbled backward before falling onto the floor. Wincing in pain, she could not seem to get back up.
Felix had also used too much strength to push himself to his feet. He lost his balance and banged against the dining table. There was a resounding crash as the table crashed and all the plates fell off.
The delicious meal that Aunt Mel and Mom put in a lot of effort to prepare was now ruined.
The dining room was in chaos, mirroring the emotions swirling in my heart.
Uncle Austin froze, as did everyone else.
No one could've expected a happy family dinner to end like this.
Felix, now covered in food, got back up on his feet. His right hand was clenched into a fist, and there was fresh blood dripping from his fingers. He had cut himself on something sharp when he crashed into the table.
He shot me a scathing glare as if I had committed an unspeakable sin. "Are you happy now, Luna?" he spat.
I stared back at him with wide eyes, and my vision grew blurry from my tears.
Why would I be happy? What did I ever do for him to say such a thing?
From the start, I hadn't even said a single word. I was not the one to blame for this mess!
Even though I liked him, that didn't mean he could throw wild accusations and embarrass me as he pleased!
I was genuinely heartbroken. What gave him the right to treat me like this?
I liked him, but I, too, had my sense of dignity!
He could choose not to reciprocate my feelings, but he couldn't use my affection for him as a weapon to hurt me.
He should know that I was a human like him. I had feelings, too.
Just like him, I felt pain as well.
Felix turned to leave again, but I called out, "Felix, what do you mean by that? Explain yourself."
"Explain myself? How dare you ask me to explain myself? If it weren't for you shamelessly following me everywhere, they wouldn't try to pair us up. Luna, I'm begging you. Let me have some freedom. I'm human, too. I have my own life! You don't have the right to decide how I live my life!" he shouted.
He was calling me shameless again! Why did he have to think so little of me?
I forced myself to suppress the hurt I felt. We needed to talk this out rationally so I could make sense of what was happening.
I wanted to tell him that I really did like him, but I never once wanted to dictate how he lived his life. I would back away if he said he didn't want me.
I wasn't as shameless as he was making me out to be.
I tried to reason with him. "Felix, listen to me. I just like—"
"Don't call me that. I hate it when you call my name. Keep your feelings to yourself and leave me be. I don't need your affection.
"In fact, they're nothing more than shackles to me. I don't want to be associated with you in any way—not ever," Felix interrupted. His words were venomous, and his eyes were filled with a cold hatred that made me shiver.
He looked at me with a mix of hatred and disgust. It was like he was looking at a piece of trash.
My heart ached, and I found myself gasping for breath.
My eyes were also filled with tears, but I bit my lip hard to prevent my tears from falling.
I didn't do anything wrong, so I couldn't allow myself to cry.
If loving him was a crime and the reason why he thought he could humiliate me, then I would gladly change!
Chapter 5
"I'm sorry, Felix. I never thought that my actions would have bugged you so much. I won't do it again. I will always remember what you said, and I won't bother you anymore.
"About everything I've done in the past, I sincerely apologize to you right now in front of both of our parents. I hope you can forgive me," I said while lowering my head apologetically.
I forced the humiliation down as I continued, "I, Luna Lawson, swear that from this moment onward, I will never bother you again, Felix."
My thoughts of him being the one for me and all the love I carried for him were nothing more than delusions. I was so caught up in my own feelings that I failed to realize my love was unrequited.
I bit my lip hard, and the sharp tang of blood exploded across my tongue.
If this was what he wanted, then I would grant him his wish.
Despite my best efforts, my tears still streamed down my face and onto the floor.
"Felix … what are you doing?" Aunt Mel exclaimed in exasperation.
"Lulu, get up. You've done nothing wrong. You don't need to apologize. Come, let's go home," Mom consoled me as she helped me up.
Her fingers were warm as she wiped my tears away gently. "Baby, don't cry. It breaks my heart."
"Harper, Lulu has done the right thing. It was clear that her actions had taken a toll on Felix, so she should apologize. Lulu, since you know that you've done something wrong, you have to make sure not to make the same mistake again in the future. Got it?
"We, the Lawsons, know when to apologize and how to learn from our mistakes," Dad said as he pulled Mom and me into his embrace.
From such a close proximity, I could tell that Dad's eyes were bloodshot as well.
"Dad, Mom, let's help Aunt Mel clean up. The house is in a mess because of me," I said as I wiped my tears away and forced a smile on my face.
"Alright, let's clean up together," Mom said as she tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
I went to the kitchen to take the trash can while Dad bent down and picked up the broken plates, tossing them into the trash can. Mom picked up a few paper towels and started cleaning the spilled food on the ground.
"Gerald, you don't need to do that …" Uncle Austin protested as he grabbed Dad's hand.
Aunt Mel had also gotten to her feet. She was worried about Felix's wounds and wanted to check in on him, but she also couldn't bear to see us cleaning up the mess either.
She hesitated for a while before taking the paper towel from Mom's hands and assured her she could handle it.
Duncan's and Eugene's families also sprang into action. After all, with so many people, they could get the place cleaned up in no time.
However, Mom turned their kind gestures down resolutely. She trained her eyes on the mess spilling all over the floor as she said, "We don't need any help. This mess happened because of Lulu, so we should clean it up. Don't worry. I know how clean Melinda likes her house to be, and I guarantee she will be satisfied with our work."
Aunt Mel watched on as we meticulously cleaned the house. She hid her face in her hands as she sobbed, "Harper, Lulu, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. This is Felix's fault. I promise he'll apologize to you. Harper, don't be like this. It's breaking my heart."
"Melinda, do you think my heart isn't broken right now? You watched Lulu grow up, so you know her well, right? So, what exactly has she done to be humiliated like she was just now?
"I've always treated Felix as my own son, so how exactly has my family offended him for him to embarrass my baby like this? Melinda, put yourself in my shoes for a minute. Can you even comprehend what I'm feeling right now?" Mom said as she wiped her tears from her face.
My heart broke for Mom. Aunt Mel pulled Mom into her embrace as she apologized over and over again.
But I knew that, in the end, it was my fault.
I should never have liked Felix.
Chapter 6
Because of that, I swore that I would change.
My twisted relationship with Felix started when I was still in Mom's womb.
Aunt Mel and Mom were best friends, and coincidentally, they both lived right opposite each other on the same level in the same apartment block. Thus, our families were close to each other.
When Mom was having me, Felix was still a toddler who waddled around in diapers.
Aunt Mel had been watching Felix play under a tree and suggested, "Harper, if your child is a girl, she should just marry Felix so we could all be a happy family!"
Mom had replied, "Well, that's not up to me. We'll let her decide in the future."
"Felix, come here! Would you like the girl in Aunt Harper's belly to be your wife?" Aunt Mel asked.
Felix had laid in Mom's lap, giggling as he mumbled the word "wife" repeatedly. He had amused Mom and Aunt Melinda so much that they decided to go ahead with the unofficial betrothal.
And just like that, my marriage was settled before I was even born.
By the time I understood what being a wife really meant, I had no say in the matter anymore. Besides, I wasn't opposed to being his wife either.
Ever since I was a kid, I had always acted in a way I thought wives were supposed to. In everything I did, I prioritized Felix's needs first.
Even if it was a snack, I would take a bite before keeping the rest for him. When he ate it, albeit unwillingly, I was ecstatic.
When we got older, I would hold on to both of our bags as he fought with the other students behind the school. I would cheer him on, risking the possibility of getting into trouble myself. Then, I would spend all my money to buy the medication for his wounds.
I would cheer him on when he was playing sports, yet all I received in return was a distasteful glare.
I put him on a pedestal. I cared for him, accompanied him, and loved him. Since I liked him so much and treated him so well, I had thought he would like me as well.
It was only after that outburst that night that I realized I was nothing more than a clingy neighbor he couldn't seem to get rid of. He was already sick of me.
That explained why he always frowned when he saw me. He never smiled at me, and the way he looked at me was also frosty.
Right now, I was back at home with Mom and Dad. Having finished cleaning up the Whites' kitchen, we were now slumped on the couch.
"Lulu, about today …" Mom started, but she couldn't seem to say anything, so she just pulled me into her arms as she cried.
Mom probably never thought that her beloved daughter would be humiliated like that. She was a loving mother to me, so I knew she felt as bad as I did because of what happened today.
Mom and Aunt Mel were close friends who had coincidentally bought apartment units opposite of each other. They lived there for the next 20 years or so.
As such, it could be said that Aunt Mel and Mom were as close as sisters.
Now that such a mess had happened, my relationship with Felix wasn't the only one at stake. Mom and Aunt Mel's relationship was endangered too.
Mom cared deeply about Aunt Mel, and I couldn't bear to see her get hurt.
I might be young, but I also understood that feelings couldn't be forced.
I got my personality from Mom. I was loud and straightforward but had a very strong sense of pride. Once I had my mind set on something, there was no changing it.
When I liked someone, I liked them wholeheartedly and selflessly. But if I didn't, I would let them know and not lead them on.
Now that something like this had happened, I told myself I would completely cut Felix out of my life.
However, it would take a while and would definitely hurt as well.
Chapter 7
I forced a smile on my face as I whined, "Mom, it's alright. I won't think too much about it! I also won't do anything silly in the future, so don't cry!"
Mom studied my face worriedly, trying to gauge whether or not I was faking my smile.
I couldn't look her in the eyes, so I could only excuse myself to get a glass of water.
Mom knew me better than anyone else, and I was sure she could see right through me.
As expected, Mom let out a deep sigh before she said, "Lulu, study well. In the future, you can find someone better … Well, you're such a good girl, I know you'll find the best man in the world. It's Felix's loss for not liking you. He will regret it."
I nodded as I held the cup tightly in my hands. As I drank, I could feel my sadness surging from within.
I had liked him for 18 years, so letting go was easier said than done.
I went to bed early that night. But despite my drowsiness, I could not seem to fall asleep.
By the time I was about to fall asleep, I heard the Whites arguing.
The walls in the building were quite soundproof, so I could only vaguely hear Aunt Mel's sobs, Uncle Austin's growls, and Felix's furious retorts.
I couldn't hear what exactly they had been arguing about. All I knew was that they argued late into the night until I finally fell asleep.
Mom and Dad could probably also hear them arguing but did nothing.
After all, this was their family matter. None of us had a say in it at all.
I woke up in the middle of the night to use the washroom. That was when I saw that Mom and Dad's room door was slightly ajar.
Because of that, I could hear Mom sobbing and Dad consoling her gently.
"How dare he scold Lulu in front of so many people? I really regret treating that little traitor so well in the past! How dare he claim he could never love Lulu! He even called her shameless in front of everyone!
"It's almost as if he thinks Lulu has no other options! My daughter deserves only the best! How could he say those things? Oh, my poor baby! Watching her get humiliated broke my heart! Why does she have to be humiliated by him? What's so great about him?" Mom sobbed.
"Hush, now. Don't let Lulu hear you. I think it's good that Felix's making things clear now. To be honest, I can tell that Luna likes him a lot. If he had chosen to remain silent, Luna would've never gotten over him," Dad reasoned.
"You're right. Lulu can finally move on now. When she goes to university, she will meet many different people. By then, even if Felix's on his knees crying and begging to be with Lulu, we won't accept him!
"By the way, how could Melinda and Austin not educate their own son well? I'm genuinely upset at them because of this. I will never forgive them!" Mom exclaimed resolutely.
Dad replied softly, "Don't say that. It's not their fault. We all know that Felix has always been stubborn, so Mel and Austin couldn't have possibly done anything. We both know how well Mel treats Lulu, too. We can't just let something like this affect our relationship with them."
"But it's not fair! They had no right to humiliate my daughter! She's my baby! I've never even scolded her! This is all my fault! I should never have agreed to Melinda's ridiculous pact back then!"
"Times are different now, so let's just treat that pact as a joke and never bring it up again. As for what will happen next, I know that Lulu has a plan on how to handle it," Dad said.
"I don't think I can do it. I'm also worried that Lulu would be traumatized by today's event. Dear, why don't we move out?" Mom suggested.
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