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Ory004

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&quot;I&#039;m about to bust,&quot; he muttered hurriedly. &quot;You&#039;re too hot, babe. This first time is going to be way too quick, but I&#039;ll make it up to you, okay? I&#039;ll have you screaming my name all night Casey&quot;<br /> Casey?<br /> He thought I was Casey.<br /> Tears flooded down my face at my naïve stupidity and humiliation.<br /> ____________<br /> <br /> The unthinkable had happened.<br /> Wren had noticed me.<br /> I&#039;d been pining after him for four years, since I was fifteen, and his lopsided grin sent my stomach flooding with butterflies. I don&#039;t know what had changed, but I wasn&#039;t about to question it. My heart thumped in my chest as he walked me towards his bed, his hands busy at the buttons of my dress. He hadn&#039;t even looked at me, barely spoke to me, and I could smell the whiskey on his breath. Despite that, I was here. I squeaked as I landed with my back on the bed, Wren&#039;s weight pushing me further into the mattress. I wrapped my legs around him, glorying in the feeling of his lips on my neck and his hand sliding under my bra. My tongue was in knots in my mouth. There were no words to describe the heightened sensation of being so close to Wren right now. His stubble scraped my neck, and I swallowed a whimper.<br /> I&#039;d dreamed about this moment for years, never, ever thinking I would get a chance. He&#039;d always seemed blinded by my cousin Casey, and I couldn&#039;t blame him. Casey was vivacious and fiery. Her long blonde hair was identical to mine but combined with her gorgeous face and vibrant personality? There wasn&#039;t any space for people to notice me. Especially not the man who I had wanted the most. Wren was quieter than most of the members of Sleepless Knights MC, and I&#039;d always been drawn to his intense presence, noticeable even when he wasn&#039;t saying a word. He was 24 but he fit in more with the old fellas of the club, shooting the piss with them, content to drink and soak up the vibes, rather than party hard like the members his age. I&#039;d felt lucky just being his friend. He was my movie buddy, both of us loving the big screen. I soaked up every lick of the attention he gave me, knowing it wasn&#039;t anything but friendship on his end. Did it hurt when he took some of the club girls to his room? Absolutely, but he didn&#039;t owe me anything, and I had hoped this crush would fade in time. But it only grew and when Wren started hanging around Casey, like a dog begging for a scrap? I felt like my heart would shatter. But at the family gathering tonight, he&#039;d approached me. I was washing up dishes in the kitchen when he&#039;d pressed against me, growling in my ear and inviting me into his bed. I had frozen, too scared to respond. He&#039;d stuck his nose in my hair, free from it&#039;s bun for once. I&#039;d nodded, still too scared to even look at him, to realize this wasn&#039;t a dream.<br /> Back in the present and on the bed, I moaned as he nipped my papilla through my bra, his hands sliding up my thighs to inch down my panties. The room was murky black, and through the veil of darkness I felt wanton for the first time. Wren turned me over, so I was on my hands and knees, his fingers touching every inch of me.<br /> &quot;I&#039;ve imagined this so many times,&quot; he said huskily, pushing my dress up over my hip and settling behind me. My lungs seized as he ran his shaft down the wet slit of my private part. He&#039;d thought about sleeping me? Had he wanted me to? My heart swelled with the thought of Wren desiring me.<br /> &quot;I&#039;m about to bust,&quot; he muttered hurriedly. &quot;You&#039;re too hot, babe. This first time is going to be way too quick, but I&#039;ll make it up to you, okay? I&#039;ll have you screaming my name all night Casey&quot;<br /> Casey?<br /> The searing stab of realization strangled my chest as Wren thrust inside me. The emotional and physical pain sent my hands folding and my front half collapsed on the bed. I gasped in agony as Wren pounded into me, taking my first time like a rutting animal. I squeezed my eyes shut, biting my tongue so hard that the taste of iron flooded my mouth.<br /> He thought I was Casey.<br /> Tears flooded down my face at my naïve stupidity and humiliation.<br /> &quot;Christ, babe, you feel like heaven. Never had a private part this tight before,&quot; Wren panted, picking up the pace of his thrust. Each move of his hips sent a wave of pain through me. I&#039;d been wet, but not enough to take a shaft for the first time. If there was a inferno, I was surely in it, burning to a crisp. Wren groaned behind me, slamming his hips against me as he came. I felt his release flood my insides and sobbed once more. He wasn&#039;t even wearing protection? I wasn&#039;t on birth control. What if I got pregnant? A myriad of thoughts were racing through my mind when Wren pulled out of me unceremoniously and flipped on the light. I didn&#039;t want to move. I knew I was about to be even more humiliated than I thought possible. But Wren took the decision from my hands when Wren swore.<br /> &quot;Did I hurt you, Casey? There&#039;s blood on my shaft&quot; He raced over to me, and I turned to look at him, my eyes blurry with tears.<br /> &quot;It&#039;s not Casey,&quot; I whispered miserably, wanting to sink through the hole in the floor. The high climb I made when I thought Wren had wanted me back was turning into a careening descent to the ground. I wiped my face, pulling my dress to cover my aching body. It felt like I was bruising on the inside. Wren&#039;s face warped in horror and he spun around, grabbing his jeans and shoving them on like he didn&#039;t want me to see his body.<br /> &quot;Taylor? What the heck? Oh my god this can&#039;t be happening to me,&quot; he moaned, pacing in front of me. I curled over, his blatant disgust carving out my heart a little more. &quot;I-I-I didn&#039;t know it was you,&quot; he slurred. Looking at him now, it was obvious he was trashed. His eyes were red rimmed and glazed.<br /> &quot;That was obvious, when you called me another woman&#039;s name,&quot; I said through gritted teeth, my arm banding around my stomach to stem to nausea I was feeling. I couldn&#039;t say Casey. I would dissolve into a puddle of tears. Wren was tugging on his sandy hair in frustration, looking at the floor.<br /> &quot;I thought you were Casey&quot; he mumbled before directing an accusing look at me &quot;You never wear your hair down. I was confused and drunk! I just assumed, with her beautiful long hair—&quot; he bit off with a hiss through his teeth, oblivious to the way his words were further destroying me. He&#039;d thought I was Casey because I had my hair down for once? &quot;This never should have happened, god, I would never have touched you if I realized it was you&quot;<br /> I grunted at the blow, hurt, but he kept speaking.<br /> &quot;You can&#039;t tell Casey about this alright? I don&#039;t want to ruin my chances with her and if she knows I have intercourse with her cousin, she&#039;ll be furious&quot;<br /> I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat, never feeling so low and disgusting in all my life. At least no-one else would know about this mortifying experience.<br /> &quot;I-I won&#039;t say anything,&quot; I said finally, and Wren blew out a relieved sigh. He gave me a tremulous, lopsided smile, and I wanted to disappear.<br /> &quot;Good, great, we&#039;ll just pretend this never happened. It was a mistake, obviously.&quot;<br /> Obviously.<br /> Having intercourse with me was a mistake, never to be repeated, never to be spoken of again. I couldn&#039;t answer, my throat too tight. Wren kneeled in front of me, his fingers tentatively pulling my dress together. His fingers were shaking. God, he reeked of whiskey. I had a moment of hope that perhaps he wouldn&#039;t remember this in the morning.<br /> &quot;It&#039;d be best if you left, before anyone notices. Hopefully, no-one heard anything,&quot; he murmured, wincing as I stared at him in disbelief. He&#039;d took my first time away, thinking I was my cousin and now he knew it wasn&#039;t he was tossing me out before anyone could see his colossal mistake. I could see the red rims around his eyes. He still looked handsome, even disheveled, like he was. I moved, my face crumpling as pain shot through me.<br /> &quot;Can I clean up first?&quot; I said, in a small voice that I didn&#039;t recognize. He leaped to his feet, looking chagrined.<br /> &quot;Oh yeah, ahhh&quot; he darted over to the chest of drawers and pulled out some wet wipes. He proffered them with an awkward look. &quot;Will these do?&quot; he asked.<br /> I nodded wordlessly, taking the wipes with a limp hand. I paused as I drew them to the smeared blood on my inner thigh. I shot Wren a dark look.<br /> &quot;Can I have some privacy? I&#039;ll let myself out,&quot; I said.<br /> &quot;Of course, yeah, better if I come out on my own&quot; he rubbed the back of his neck and snagged his shirt from the ground. His fingers lingered on the doorknob.<br /> &quot;Taylor, you were a virgin, weren&#039;t you?&quot; he whispered, almost like he didn&#039;t want the answer. I blinked my eyes, forcing the tears that gathered to fall onto the ruined material of my dress.<br /> &quot;What does it matter&quot; I muttered and scrubbed. The sound of the door opening and snicking closed was like a clap in my ears. Another rejection. God, I wanted to crawl out of my skin, to escape this messy room and go back to when I had thought Wren was a guy worthy of my crush. But as I wiped up the mess Wren had left, I knew it was a lie. I wasn&#039;t enough for him. I might have had hair like Casey but that was it. But Wren wasn&#039;t good enough for me either, and I would never let myself feel this way again.<br /> <br /> One Month Later<br /> I was working behind the bar on a Friday night, things were getting rowdy. I angled my body so I wouldn&#039;t have to look in the corner where I knew Wren, or rather Wings, was. I had to stop thinking of him as anything but his road name. Whatever love I felt for him had been crushed to death under the grinding heel of his rejection. I wasn&#039;t going to embarrass myself further, even though the wound was still healing. <br /> I knew that if I looked over, I would see Casey was sitting on his lap and I could hear her melodic laugh filtering through the raucous room. She&#039;d asked me to cover her shift again, because she felt sick but still had the nerve to show up here and pretend like she had miraculously recovered. <br /> They looked good together and Wings sure seemed happy. He got what he wanted in the end, the girl he&#039;d imagined so many times. I was getting there, every day I felt a little better. Big part of that had to do with Jade. The new club girl who helped behind the bar and had burst into my life at almost the same time as Wings had obliterated me. She&#039;d seen me where no-one else had ever noticed me. <br /> She stuck to me like a barnacle, not accepting that I wanted space to wallow and sink further into disgust. She made me laugh; she dragged me out of the club, and she seemed to see straight through the walls I was determined to put up. If I hadn&#039;t had Jade, I don&#039;t know what I would do. She shot me a wink from the other side of the bar, shaking her hip as she polished a glass.<br /> &quot;Come on, Tay, let me see that tush jiggle!&quot; she hollered over to me, sending some guys at the bar into hoots of laughter. I wasn&#039;t like that. I didn&#039;t dance like no-one was watching. I didn&#039;t dance at all. A flare of rebellion fired through me, making my spine snap straight in defiance. Everyone in this bar, besides Jade and maybe my Aunty Coral, thought of me as this timid, withdrawn girl. Not worth looking at, not worth any time at all. I placed the pint I&#039;d been pouring on the bar and lifted my hand to my tightly wound hair. I glared at Jade, shaking my head as she whooped and hollered, encouraging me. My long blonde hair tumbled around my shoulders. I flipped my head back, letting it fall out like a fan before bracing myself on the sink and grinding down to the floor.<br /> Jade fanned herself, racing over to circle her arms around my waist. I let the laughter that bubbled up spill out, and Jade gave me a hard smack to my hip. &quot;You show em girl,&quot; she whispered in my ear, laughing huskily. Jade didn&#039;t know what had happened to me, but she&#039;d been there a week ago when I got my period. An intense mixture of relief and rage, that he had reduced me to this. I&#039;d cried in her arms, words escaping me. While Wings was curled up with Casey in his room, it reminded again me of that horrific night. A throat cleared behind us.<br /> &quot;What&#039;s it take to get a drink around here&quot; teased a familiar voice. I stiffened, and Jade let go of me, her eyes narrowing slightly. She didn&#039;t know what had happened between Wings and me, but she had made assumptions. I hadn&#039;t told anyone a word about what had happened, and I never would. It was hard enough that I had to see his face almost every day. His green eyes creased as he aimed that lopsided smile my way. My heart flipped at the sight of it, sickeningly weak even after his utter ravaging.<br /> &quot;What can I getcha Wings?&quot; I said, knowing he wanted a whiskey, but refusing to get it for him without him asking, like I had in the past. I wasn&#039;t his girl, and we weren&#039;t friends. I needed to stop catering for him in any small way. He had to become like all the other guys in the club, unable to affect me. His throat bobbed and forehead creased, the smile faltering just a little before turning full wattage.<br /> &quot;Aw Tay, it&#039;s weird hearing you call me by my road name,&quot; he huffed a laugh, surprised I didn&#039;t join in. I folded my arms and raised my eyebrow. What had happened between us had destroyed any semblance of friendship between us, but it seemed like Wings didn&#039;t get it. The last month he&#039;d tried to talk to me like he had in the past, like he hadn&#039;t irrevocably changed me, destroyed me.<br /> &quot;Jeez Wings, what else would she call you?&quot; Casey purred as she slid in beside him. She looked so beautiful tonight. Her long hair was sleek down her back. She winked a big blue eye at me. Wings startled, coughing and stuttering. I rolled my eyes, pouring out the whiskey I knew he wanted and a shot of spirits for Casey. Anything to get this awkward encounter over.<br /> &quot;You should wear your hair down more often, Tay,&quot; Casey said, wincing as she slammed the empty shot glass back on the bar. &quot;It makes you look like my twin! These bikers might take an interest&quot;<br /> Casey gave me a wide smile, unaware that her words were like a gut punch. I felt Wings boring a hole into the side of my face. His intense gaze brought heat to my cheeks, and I gathered my hair up, winding it into a tight bun on my head.<br /> &quot;There&#039;s only one Casey, cuz, I&#039;m a cheap imitation,&quot; I said, my mouth filled with bitterness.<br /> Casey laughed like I&#039;d said a joke, and Jade elbowed me in the side as she passed me.<br /> &quot;I heard that,&quot; she hissed. &quot;Don&#039;t be talking something bad about my best friend,&quot; she added.<br /> &quot;That ninja franchise you like has a new movie out, going to go see it tomorrow.&quot; Wings said gruffly, and I cursed him. Why did he have to keep pushing this? He&#039;d invited me to the movies with him a few weeks ago and I hadn&#039;t even answered, turning on my heel and walking away. How could he think I would want to spend one second around him after what he did?<br /> &quot;Hope you guys enjoy it,&quot; I said, flicking a look at him for a brief second. It was all I could handle, and I was reaching my limit. Interactions with Wings had to be few and far in between and short. Too much and I felt like my chest was going to cave in.<br /> &quot;I&#039;m not seeing a movie on a Saturday night, Wings,&quot; Casey admonished him, smacking him lightly with her hand. &quot;You&#039;d think you were an old man. You should go with him, Taylor. You love that, right?&quot;<br /> &quot;No!&quot; I blurted out, my cheeks flushing even redder as Casey eyed me strangely. I didn&#039;t look at Wings, but I could feel the burn of his stare again. &quot;I&#039;ve got plans,&quot; I added quickly.<br /> I didn&#039;t, but I would have to find something to do now.<br /> &quot;Yeah? What are you up to?&quot; Casey said, sounding suspicious. She knew I preferred to stay home, chill on my down time. I lived with my uncle and my bedroom was across from hers, so she knew exactly if I was lying. I looked down at the end of the bar, but there was no-one waiting on a drink and I had to think of something. There was no way I was going to the movies with Wings. I never would again.<br /> &quot;We&#039;re going dancing, ain&#039;t that right, Tay?&quot; Jade said, bumping her hip with mine.<br /> Casey perked up, a glint of excitement entering her eyes. I chanced a glance at Wings and saw he was tense, his hands curled into fists on the bar.<br /> &quot;Where?&quot; he said. &quot;You could dance here&quot; he motioned to the group of club girls who were gyrating in the corner to an audience of bikers.<br /> &quot;Think the club girls would be jealous seeing Tay dolled up like they are,&quot; Jade laughed, pointing at Mina with her tiny bralette and short denim shorts.<br /> &quot;Tay&#039;d never wear something like that,&quot; Wings scoffed, and I clenched my jaw as Casey agreed with him. &quot;She&#039;s too vanilla,&quot; Casey added, matter-of-fact and without a lick of malice. She truly thought that was what I was, a boring, cheaper version of her. And I was. Swathed in an oversized hoodie and boyfriend jeans. I&#039;d dressed for comfort, and out of habit. <br /> After Wings had swiped through my meagre self confidence, I&#039;d backslid into the shadows, doing whatever I could to keep anyone from seeing me. They&#039;d see nothing worthwhile anyway, so why try? Trying got you covered in releasing and blood on the bed of someone who gagged at the sight of you.<br /> &quot;Can you check the storeroom? I think we need another case of beers soon,&quot; Jade said casually, as I stood there, melting in self-loathing. Vanilla, boring, and forgettable. That was the Taylor Ambor they knew, but as I took the out Jade offered, I felt that hard rod of resolve unfurl down my spine as I walked away. I didn&#039;t have to be that person they&#039;d allotted me. I was more than their shallow opinions of me.<br /> Why did I work at this MC when I was old enough to do my own thing? Habit and fear, and until a month ago it had been worth the crumbs Wings would inadvertently sprinkle on me. The lopsided smiles would light my whole day up, especially if he&#039;d talked to me. The times we&#039;d gone to the movies? That was like mainlining a hard dope. I would smile like a doped-out fiend for a week after that.<br /> It was sad.<br /> I was depressing. I was wasting my time here. I leaned on the shelves and blew out a deep breath.<br /> It was time to make some big changes.

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