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“You knew what I was to you for years before the accident,” I whispered afraid if I spoke with my full voice I’d lose control, “you should have protected me. But you didn&#039;t. You let me....” I couldn’t finish the sentence. <br /> He knew what he’d allowed to happen. He’d been there. It was my first shift and the first time I’d felt the pull of my mate. The same pull I was feeling for the man sitting across the narrow bar, “you need to leave,” I said finally getting the strength to repeat the words he’d said to me all those years ago, “I don’t want you here.”<br /> ————————<br /> Aster<br /> May 10 Years Ago<br /> I was in my car trying not to catch a glimpse of my newly blackened eye. It seemed that even though I was a soon to be exiled human dud, Kendrick’s flunkies still weren’t afraid to show me who was boss. It stung and was starting to swell. I looked down at the clock. I had forty minutes to get 60 miles. I’d never make it.<br /> I was so angry. I hated them all. As if life hadn’t been hard enough having been raised in the pack. I had spent every day of my life for years preparing to become a wolf, to find a mate, and raise a litter of pups, and I wouldn’t get any of it. The people I’d been raised with, my friends, my pack, tortured me for it. I waited for my wolf so I could join them and end my misery. I was patient. I sat outside on the forest border every night for years willing the wolf to come out of me.<br /> “Flowers bloom all year round, Aster dear,” my mom would say as she wiped my tears after each new wolf made its way into the world, “You’re a September flower. Your wolf will come.”<br /> But she never came. I watched all my friends go through the change and pair up under my nose. One day, they’d be normal, the next they’d be glued at the hip to another wolf, having become one of them. I prayed to the moon goddess for years to show me my wolf. I wanted to be a part of the pack. I wanted to be a real member of my family. I wanted friends. By age 17, they’d all changed, but not me. I’d held out hope that maybe a younger wolf would recognize me as his mate, at least then I could stay. But none had claimed me.<br /> The anger grew painful in my gut. I pressed my foot down on the gas, better to risk a speeding ticket than a brutal whipping for my mother. My car was nearing its limit when the pain in my gut grew worse.<br /> I could hardly breathe, I couldn’t think. I heard popping and my hips burned with a fire I’d never felt before. My arms hurt like they were being pricked by thousands of tiny pins. I looked down at them, they’d started sprouting fur. I had to pull over. I was so close to the border. One mile, maybe two but I couldn’t concentrate. Black fur was burning its way through my body and I could feel each follicle widen to accept it.<br /> I was changing<br /> I opened the car door and quickly took off the cap and gown. The popping in my back prevented me from saving my sundress and shoes. I collapsed on the side of the road. It hurt so bad. I crawled into the ditch, if a human saw me changing it would be the end of their lives, and mine.<br /> I wasn’t a dud.<br /> The joy of not being a failure temporarily blocked out the pain as every bone in my body broke and reshaped. My knees popped backward as my femur shortened. My nose and jaws elongated. I closed my eyes as a girl and reopened them as a wolf.<br /> I heard howls miles in the distance. The pack was running to celebrate the commencement. I longed to run with them. Then I felt it.<br /> The unmistakable pull.<br /> I’d heard it described every Sunday at shifter school. It encompassed every part of my being. I needed to go to it. To him, to my mate. Wherever he was I needed to be. He was in the woods away from my car. I raced, unsteady on my four paws at first but quickly finding my pace. I was a wolf. I was running as a wolf. I raced pulled by the invisible leash leading me to my mate. The one the moon goddess had made just for me. I knew he’d love me. He wouldn’t care I was almost a dud; he’d just want me.<br /> I heard another howl, this one closer, mournful, mine. I howled back, joining his song, the song of my mate. His howl abruptly cut off. He was on the move. The leash rapidly changed directions pulling me a new direction. I needed to follow it, I had to find him. I raced through the trees not caring about anything but finding the wolf who had half my soul. I caught a glimpse of a black fluffy tail. Nearly there, he was leading me home, that had to be it, he couldn’t be running from me. He needed me as much as I needed him.<br /> I raced faster and harder trying to catch up to him, but he was so much faster. The tether urged me on. I was panting trying to keep up. I was racing leaping over fallen trees and ducking under low branches. My wolf was thrilled with the chase. We leapt over another tree and my paw found an awkward footing. I heard a metallic click-<br /> Snap<br /> Sharp pain radiates up my right front paw. A pained whine escapes my throat. I was caught in a bear trap. Its terrifying jaws dig into my thin leg like a dinosaur’s maw. I loose a desperate howl begging for my mate to come back and find me. To help me out of this trap. I knew I couldn’t shift out if it, I’d lose my paw for sure. I needed help. I whined and howled again.<br /> I heard the snap of a twig and looked in the direction. A big black wolf with golden eyes was watching me. I whined and whimpered. It was him, my mate. He’d come back for me. I motioned to my leg and the trap and barked hoping he’d see it and understand. He could release me, take me back to the pack doctors and save my leg.<br /> The wolf’s fur rippled, and the painful sound of popping bones echoed in the silent summer forest. Several agonizing seconds later Kendrick Biel stood in front of me. He shifted so fast, so easily compared to my shift. The pain of the shift was nothing compared to what I was experiencing now.<br /> I whimpered, pleading with this man to save me. He strode over and my heart leapt. He was going to save me. He touched my head and my wolf leaned into his caress. He pet back my ears and shushed me soothingly.<br /> “You need to leave,” he said finally, he continued to lovingly stroke my fur, “I don’t want you here.”<br /> He stood up and shifted again. His wolf wouldn’t touch mine as it walked away. I whined again begging him to come back to at least release me. I tried to shift but the pain in my leg was too much. He got several yards away and I heard the sounds of his low growl. His wolf sat near a tree and watched me.<br /> Instincts kicked in. If my moon blessed mate wasn’t going to free me from the trap, I’d die in it. The trappers would come back, find their prize, and my fur would be mounted on their walls. No one would ever know what happened to Aster Fields. My mother would assume I never wanted to talk to her again. Easterville would assume I just never showed up. No one would know I died. Except Kendrick, who no doubt would never admit I was his mate.<br /> I couldn’t die here. I couldn’t give the bastards the satisfaction. I stared into his golden eyes and chewed. My first shift on four legs would be my last one. There was no coming back from this. A part of me hoped as I tore through the fur and flesh, that this was a test. That he needed me to prove that his mate was tough enough to be an alpha female. That she had the guts to do what needed to be done to survive. I looked back at him when I’d exposed bone. He was still watching me. He was going to make me do this. I whimpered. It hurt so bad. I didn’t want to do this.<br /> I gave him one last look. I vowed; this would be the last chance he ever had to be my mate. He’d either save me from the trap now, or never see me again. Kendrick’s wolf continued to stare at me, silent, motionless, impassive. I looked down at the raw flesh and exposed bone. This was it. I bit down as hard as I could, hearing the sickening crunch as the bones broke. I was free. My paw was not. I looked up and Kendrick’s wolf was gone.<br /> The exposed bones were splintered and sickening to look at. There was nothing I could do about that. I was bleeding heavily. Instincts told me to lick the wound. The copper taste of blood did not soothe my wolf. I whined when I caught sight of what remained of my paw still in the trap. Black fur, pink muscles, pale white bones. Revulsion riled in me. I wanted to vomit. I couldn’t believe what I had done. I continued to lick my wounds. There was no going back, I did what I had to do to survive.<br /> I heard howls of more wolves. Maybe Kendrick had gone to get them to hunt me down. Maybe his plan all along was for me to die. I needed to get back to my car, I needed to keep moving. I sniffed the ground until I picked up a scent I recognized as my strawberry shampoo. I followed it. The grace I had lacked when I first shifted was back tenfold. I’d lope several steps and forget I’d lost a paw and I’d crash to the ground landing hard on the already splintered bones. I’d yelp and try to bite back my pained cries. I couldn’t let them find me.<br /> I found the tree line before the ditch where my torn sundress laid. I made it. I willed my body to shift. Sunday shifter school had made it sound easy. Just picture yourself as a human and human you’d become. It wasn’t easy. I had to imagine forcing my toes through my claws and reshaping my body back together. It felt like it took hours before my body was human again. The moon was high overhead and I was exhausted. But I needed to keep going. I needed to get out of here, away from pack land. Away from him. I was undressed. I was bloody, and my arm was still bleeding where a hand had once been.<br /> I wrapped the stump in the torn dress. It was a painful process. Every nerve ending felt exposed. Every brush of the fabric rioted protestations through to my core. I pulled the commencement robe over my body, grateful that I’d been given one three sizes too large. I sat in the driver’s seat of my car and tried to force myself to go.<br /> I still felt the tug. That pull toward Kendrick. I wanted to race back to town, tell the pack I’d changed, and he was mine. But I couldn’t let that happen. They could never know what I was. Who I was. I leaned over painfully to turn the key in the ignition, it roared to life. I had to stay leaned to get steering column to switch gears and get the car into drive. I’d never been more grateful to have an automatic with a steering wheel gear shift. I didn’t know how I’d have managed if I’d had to try to shift from the center.<br /> I put the car in drive and let my foot off the gas. I had to focus. I had to get out of here. Away from the pack. I needed to get to Easterville. Only a thousand miles to go before I could sleep.<br /> ---<br /> Lee <br /> December Present day<br /> “And you have to charge it?” my mother was fascinated with my bionic hand. She asked me to show her all the articulating movements to prove that I was truly able to function.<br /> “How did you afford this?” she asked still mesmerized by the technology.<br /> Evan laughed, “One of our regulars, Louie, got together with a couple other regulars, who got together with the town council, and they hosted a huge carnival fundraiser called ‘Bionic Barmaid’ and raised enough money for a fancy new arm, as well as a small repair fund.”<br /> I was still incredibly humbled by the generosity of the town, “That Louie,” was all I could manage to say.<br /> “Wow,” my mother agreed, “That is... wow,” after a few minutes of us silently eating she finally asked the question she wanted to ask, “How did you... how did...”<br /> Evan raised his eyebrow at me, “She doesn’t know?” I shrugged.<br /> A growl rose low in Evan’s throat, “Evan, you’re scaring her,” I hissed. <br /> “Lee’s wolf chewed it off after it got caught in a trap,” Evan growled. My mother&#039;s eyes widened, and she looked at me with a renewed interest.<br /> “That can’t be,” she muttered, lost in thought. “Oh, it can be and if that jerk ever sho-”<br /> “Evan!” I shouted, “Not now.” Evan had no idea what a riled grizzly could do to a submissive wolf even if they both remained in human form.<br /> Evan stood abruptly from his chair, “I need to run the credit cards receipts from last night.”<br /> After Evan disappeared into the back office my mother leaned over the table, “Who’s Lee?”<br /> “I’m Lee, mom,” I told her, “I go by my middle name here. I didn’t want to be Aster the dud anymore.”<br /> “You have a wolf, Aster...Lee?” she asked quickly correcting names.<br /> I nodded, ashamed.<br /> “When? How long?” she asked her eyes filled with joyous wonder, “You should come back with me. There’s always a spot in the pack. Alpha Biel is such a-”<br /> I shook my head quickly, “I can’t come back with you. I can’t ever go back, I was exiled, remember?”<br /> “That was before your wolf,” she said with a warm smile, “You’re pack. Surely your wolf wants a pack.”<br /> She did. She wanted a pack more than she wanted to breathe, I shook my head, “We can’t go back.”<br /> “What happened, Aster?” “I can’t tell you.”<br /> “Can you at least tell me how long?”<br /> “Since graduation,” I said hanging my head low. “No,” she breathed, “It can’t be.”<br /> I sagged in my chair, “You can’t tell anyone-”<br /> “You’re the wolf from the trap,” she whispered, “Kendrick’s mate.”

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