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“As of today, you Joanna Tyree are Cancer free! The scans were clear, your labs have been improving daily. Jo, you&#039;re in remission.” Rachel&#039;s hand froze, and I froze.<br /> What did he just say? Is he shitting me right now?<br /> “You better not be lying to me right now Brian. I can&#039;t take a joke right now.” I said timidly.<br /> I know he would never joke about that, but I had to ask. <br /> “We&#039;ll go over what to look out for and statistics and what not but as of today, you&#039;re in remission. You did it, you beat it.”<br /> “I beat it…” I whispered in near shock.<br /> ————————<br /> Joanna<br /> “Today was my mammogram…” I whispered and her face softened. She didn&#039;t probe, she didn&#039;t nudge me to continue. She waited for me to gather my strength to continue and I was so thankful. “It&#039;s stage 3…”<br /> “Oh Jo!” she wrapped me in her arms and I sobbed. “That&#039;s not all….” She pulled back but kept her arms around me. She raised a brow at me waiting for my answer.<br /> “I went to Brian today. He&#039;s the one who gave me the results. I figured since Mike&#039;s office was right down the hall that I would just go ahead and tell him. He was on his lunch break, so he didn&#039;t have any patients…”<br /> I took a few deep breaths to steady myself. “I caught him mid thrust in another woman...” I don&#039;t think she meant it but her grip on my shoulder got dangerously tight.<br /> “I&#039;m sorry, what? Where is he? I know how to hide a body without being caught. Who is the tramp? Do I need to kill her too?”<br /> I held my hand up with wide eyes. “You know you are pretty scary when you&#039;re angry. But that&#039;s not even the worst part…”<br /> “What do you mean that&#039;s not the worst part? Your husband is having an affair with another woman. What is worse than that?”<br /> I let out a breath and rested my elbows on my knees and bowed my head. My golden waves covering my face. “It was Lisa….”<br /> Her spirit glass dropped to the floor and shattered. When I met her gaze she looked frozen in shock. Her brown eyes that usually reminded me of molten chocolate were nearly black with rage. She didn&#039;t say anything. She didn&#039;t even look like she was breathing.<br /> ”Rach…?” I probed and she shook her head.<br /> “I&#039;m going to kill her. Lisa? Our friend Lisa was sleeping with your husband on his desk at his work? Lisa that&#039;s also Married to his best friend that also works in the same office? That Lisa?” I couldn&#039;t formulate words, so I settled for nodding my head. Rachel was silent and usually when she was this mad and silent, it was bad.<br /> “Rachel, what am I going to do? I&#039;ve been with Mike for 17 years. Since the day I found out I was pregnant with Gage... I don&#039;t know any other life. I have never lived alone. You know how much family means to me... I was a foster kid. My own parents didn&#039;t even want me. I don&#039;t want Gage to grow up in a broken home too.”<br /> “Joanna. First of all, just because you have a kid with someone doesn&#039;t mean you need to stay with them. Second of all, Gage is already grown up. He&#039;s a young man. Thirdly, you are never going to be alone. You are my family. And lastly, how long has this been going on?”<br /> I shrugged. “Truthfully I don&#039;t know. I ran out of there as fast as I could. He tried to get me out of the car, but I threw my ring at him and drove off. I just couldn&#039;t stick around. After the news I got this morning and then that. I was pretty stretched thin on what I could handle.”<br /> She nodded and took a few deep breaths before taking me into her arms again. “Here&#039;s what we&#039;re going to do. We&#039;re going to finish off this bottle of spirit, we’re going to watch a bunch of chick flicks, we’re going to eat to our stomach&#039;s desire and get a good night&#039;s rest. And tomorrow, we&#039;re going to go to your house. I&#039;m going with you, that&#039;s not up for negotiation. You&#039;re going to talk to Mike, and we&#039;re going to pack you a bag and you&#039;re going to stay with me. After you&#039;ve given it some clear thought without pressure from anyone and you&#039;re ready to make a decision then okay. But you can&#039;t make any decisions while you&#039;re living with him because he will cloud your judgement. Now chop chop. Pick out a movie, I&#039;ll get the snacks. You can change into a pair of my Pjs too.”<br /> With Rachel growing up an Army brat, you could hear the authoritarian in her coming out. She marched off to the kitchen while I changed my clothes and picked out a movie. Hours later she was passed out on the sofa with a line of drool coming out of her mouth. However, I couldn&#039;t sleep. I just couldn&#039;t shut my mind off.<br /> I debated on waking Rachel up to let her know we were adding one more to the party, but she was snoozing hard. You definitely didn&#039;t want to wake Rachel when she hasn&#039;t gotten enough rest. She turns into an instant bimbo and I don&#039;t have the capacity to deal with that right now.<br /> I made sure to cut on the porch light and unlock the door and go into the kitchen to heat him up something to eat, knowing he&#039;s going to be hungry. Yes, I may have been trying to bribe my child into not hating me with food, but it&#039;s a risk I&#039;m willing to take.<br /> I heard some shuffling in the foyer and a few curses and then silence. Going to check it out, I peeked around the corner to see Gage kneeling down to pick up my purse that he had knocked over, but all of the contents had spilled. Including all of the brochures from Brian&#039;s office and the paperwork with my test results on it. His face was pale and he wasn&#039;t moving.<br /> “Mom…?” his eyes raised to mine. His bright blue eyes that matched his fathers and they were starting to blur with unshed tears. “Mom, what is this?”<br /> I sighed, something I&#039;ve been doing a lot of today and knelt next to him. “Gage, son, look at me” he did and I could see the tremble in his body.<br /> “I didn&#039;t want to tell you about that yet... I wanted to wait until after SAT’s and until you picked a good school.”<br /> He shook his head. “No!” I gave him a look and he mumbled sorry. “You know what, I&#039;m not sorry! You&#039;re sick! You need me! I can go to a school closer to home! I can still achieve my goals and dreams while being here for you.”<br /> This is what I was afraid of.<br /> “Baby, I don&#039;t want you to put your life on hold for me. I will be okay. I&#039;m a fighter. I&#039;m strong. I can handle anything. I want you to live your life for you, I want you to make choices because you want to do them. Not because you feel obligated.”<br /> “I&#039;m not obligated to do anything. You&#039;re my mother. You gave me life. If you think I would for a second abandon you in your time of need then you&#039;re sadly mistaken. You raised me better than that.” I took him in my arms and he bussed the top of my head. Now that he was nearly an adult, he was almost a foot taller than me.<br /> “I just want you to have every change you can possibly have in life. A better life than what I had growing up.”<br /> His hug got tighter. “You&#039;ve given me an amazing life mom. Let me help you. No wonder dad drank himself into a stupor.”<br /> I couldn&#039;t help it. I tensed at the mention of Mike and Gage unfortunately noticed.<br /> “Mom?” he asked, raising a brow.<br /> I attempted to brush it off because this was an adult matter. It&#039;s not something a teenager. He wasn&#039;t having it.<br /> “I know you told, Rachel about it or else you wouldn&#039;t have come here. So you have two choices. Either tell me what I want to know, or I will wake up aunt Rachel and we both know that won&#039;t end well.”<br /> “Just tell the boy!” Rachel said, peeking her head above the sofa. I narrowed my eyes at her and she shrugged and shrunk down further waiting for the explosion of what I&#039;m about to tell my son.<br /> “Please don&#039;t hate me…” I whispered to him not expecting him to hear me but knowing that he did. “Your dad and I….I will be staying here for a few days.”<br /> His face scrunched up in confusion. “Why… you and dad..you&#039;re my idol couple. You&#039;re so in love. I...What happened?”<br /> “I thought we were in love too…” I sobbed a bit knowing full well that that was the truth. I thought we did love each other. It was great, frequent, we hardly ever fought, we spent time together. I don&#039;t understand what happened.<br /> “Your dad is having an affair and I found out about it today.” I couldn&#039;t meet his eyes. I was filled with shame. Shame that I failed my marriage, that I failed my family, and that I wasn&#039;t enough to keep my family together. I felt like there was no way out of this dark place. I can&#039;t face him knowing that I failed him.<br /> “Who?” was all he said. I looked up and his face was turning red and the tips of his ears even redder. A trait he inherited from his father.<br /> “It&#039;s not important…”<br /> “God, mom! Tell me who!” I trembled at the anger he released.<br /> “Gage, just calm down…”<br /> He shook his head. “No. Not this time. I&#039;m not going to calm down. Tell me who dad decided to throw his family away for. Tell me who dad thought was so important that he would chose to break up his own family for.”<br /> Wait, he wasn&#039;t mad at me?<br /> “You&#039;re not mad at me?” I asked stupidly.<br /> He took three giant steps towards me and engulfed me in a hug. I could feel his own tears hitting my forehead. “Why would I ever be mad at you over this? You&#039;re not the one who stuck a body part in another person that wasn&#039;t your spouse. You&#039;ve never been anything short of amazing Mom. But please. Tell me who”.<br /> “It was Lisa…” I muttered knowing he deserved to know, but hating that I was thrusting all of this on my child.<br /> “You&#039;ve got to be kidding me!” was all he said before he stormed out of the door, got in his truck and sped off.<br /> ---- <br /> Joanna<br /> “Go after him before he does something he&#039;ll regret. He may be mad now, but he&#039;s reacting to emotional overdrive” Rachel&#039;s voice was sad but firm. I knew I would need to go after him. After that were dropped on him in the past hour, it&#039;s a wonder he&#039;s still standing. It&#039;s a miracle that I&#039;m still standing, but I&#039;ve also had spirit to help drown my sorrows in.<br /> There&#039;s only one place he would have gone. He would have gone home to confront Mike. Rachel trailed behind me as we all climbed in my car.<br /> “You don&#039;t think he’ll do anything stupid do you?” she was silent, but I knew the answer myself. We drove the short 15 minutes it took to get to my house, well my old house, and sure enough his truck was parked in the driveway still running.<br /> I could hear the yelling from outside. Shouting from both Gage and Mike. When I got through the door it was clear that I needed to calm one if not both of them down. Pictures were smashed, there was glass everywhere. I rounded the corner to the living room to see Mike pinned to the wall by Gage. Both of them were nearing 6 foot tall and well built but seeing our 17 year old holding such an advantage over him was shocking.<br /> Mike&#039;s eyes met mine and they bugged out.<br /> “Why?” Gage shouted.<br /> “Why would you do this? I thought you cared about us? Was it worth it you prick!” his voice cracked with emotion the more that he spoke. I walked up behind him and put my hand on his shoulder causing him to jerk before turning to meet my gaze.<br /> “Let him go sweetie…” he shook his head in refusal. “Gage, let him go…” My voice was soft and he slowly released his grip on his dad and Mike sagged against the wall while Gage fell into my arms.<br /> “It&#039;s okay sweetie. Everything is going to be okay. Rachel is in the car. Grab a bag of clothes and go to the car.” he nodded and walked away.<br /> “Jo…” I held up my hand to him.<br /> “Save it…I&#039;m grabbing a bag myself and staying with Rachel for a few days.” he stepped towards me causing me to step back. The hurt in his eyes was evident, but it was his own fault.<br /> “Can we please just talk about this? I made a mistake, yes, but we can fix this!”<br /> I scoffed. “A mistake? An accident? What did you accidentally fall and land in her hip?” he hung his head. “And the worst part about all of this is, it wasn&#039;t even a complete stranger. Lisa. My best friend. How long has this been going on?”<br /> “Well?” I probed when he didn&#039;t answer.<br /> “This was the first time in years that I&#039;ve been with her…” he wasn&#039;t looking at me, he refused to look me in the eye.<br /> “Wait….you said in years. What did you mean?”<br /> When he raised his head he had tears in his bloodshot eyes. “We called it off when Brian proposed to her. I&#039;m telling you all of this so we can air it all out. So we can move past it. We had been seeing each other since highschool.”<br /> I felt a pressure in my head and my heart sinking to my stomach. I looked to the stairwell and saw Gage sitting on the stairs listening intently.<br /> “Why then? Why continue to be with me? Why even see me at all if you were with her too? That means you had been having a whole other life for 10 years. I-I can&#039;t… I don&#039;t understand. Why did you marry me, lead me on, continue to sleep with me, frequently by the way, if you were with her?”<br /> He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. I was way past angry at this point. I picked up a vase of flowers that he had gotten me two weeks ago. Now that I think about it, those flowers were probably an apology for everything. Gripping the vase hard enough I was sure it would shatter. I chucked it. It hit the wall next to him shattering to pieces.<br /> He didn&#039;t flinch, he didn&#039;t move, he didn&#039;t even bat an eyelash. He was taking my temper tantrum and letting me get it all out.<br /> “ANSWER ME.”<br /> “Because I love you. I still do.”<br /> I cut him off. “Nonsense. If you loved me you wouldn&#039;t have strayed. You wouldn&#039;t have kept it up for 10 years. So try again.”<br /> “I do love you. But it&#039;s possible to love more than one person. I thought I was in love with her too, but I was wrong. I didn&#039;t know she was seeing Brian until 6 months before the proposal. It felt so wrong. I felt used. She was seeing both of us, using both of us for money, she was getting a high off the rush of getting caught. She was vindictive, so I cut it off. I broke up with her.”<br /> A half choked cob and laugh left my lips. “Then how did I catch you balls deep in her this afternoon?”<br /> He let out a deep breath. “I truly don&#039;t know. She had been there to see Brian but he was in with a patient. She had waited in my office for him and one thing led to another. I don&#039;t want to be that prick and say she came onto me but she did.”<br /> I walked up to him and slapped him so hard that his head whipped to the side. “You should have said no. You should have called security. You had so many opportunities. I don&#039;t know if we can fix this Michael. 10 years of infidelity out of a 17 year marriage. Do you know how many people Lisa was sleeping with in college? You could have given me a STD! Even when I was pregnant! All of those appointments you missed because you were busy were you out with her? All those conferences out of town, was it her? I don&#039;t understand it. You just shattered every bit of trust and faith I had in us. What was so wrong with me that you couldn&#039;t be faithful to me? You know how hard my life was before I met you. You know how important family is to me! Growing up in the foster care system, I didn&#039;t have a family! You were my family. Lisa was my family. I hope it was worth it. I hope she was worth it.”<br /> He put his hands on my shoulders trying to calm down my ranting. Gage stood up from the stairs and started towards us. “Take your hands off of her. Or I will...” I had never heard that authority in his voice. Mike stood back and held his hands up.<br /> “We can fix this...I&#039;ve been faithful for 10 years. Not once have I strayed in that time. Well, except today. But it&#039;s not you. It&#039;s never been your fault. I could break up with you or leave you because I loved you. I couldn&#039;t bear to lose you. I didn&#039;t want to live without you. I was going to call it off when you got pregnant but she convinced me to stay. She tried many times to get me to divorce you, but I just couldn&#039;t. I won&#039;t. And don&#039;t say we were your family like it was past tense. We are family. I can fix this. I can&#039;t live without you…”<br /> “Well, it looks like you&#039;re going to have to figure out how to. I don&#039;t know if I can ever forgive you for this. I am going to leave now. I&#039;m staying with Rachel. Goodbye, Mike.” I whispered and walked away.<br /> Gage had two bags in his hand. “I packed your bag too…” he had a far away look in his eyes.<br /> “I didn&#039;t want you to hear any of that...I&#039;m sorry, son.”<br /> “Gage!” Mike called out. He stopped walking but didn&#039;t turn around. “Please...just take care of your mother… I love you. Both of you.”<br /> “Save it, dad. If you loved us, you wouldn&#039;t have destroyed our family.”<br /> ---- <br /> Joanna<br /> The weekend had come and gone and I had a hard time convincing myself to get out of bed this morning. The amount of spirit I had drank this weekend was catching up with me and I was highly considering calling out of work. The sun had barely risen in the sky, the remaining bits of darkness still lingering on the horizon.<br /> My phone was continuing to blow up with message and message, voicemail after voicemail, and countless emails all from Mike trying to get me to come home, to work this out. Lisa had sent me a few messages both asking to talk and to apologize.<br /> Brian had sent 2 messages. One checking on me, and one apologizing. I don&#039;t know what he had to apologize for. Nothing was his fault. He and I were in the same boat. Both the people we thought we loved betrayed us. If anything I should be the one apologizing to him. If only I had caught on sooner.<br /> I had thought everything was perfect. I had thought that our love was strong and powerful. I thought nothing could come in between us. I thought that we were invincible. I now know that all of that was a charade. I knew that none of that was real. He used me, he lied to me, he betrayed me. He destroyed every little piece of me that I thought that I had.<br /> I knew once all of this was said and done that I would never trust again. I would never fall in love again. It wasn&#039;t worth it. Besides, no one would want a washed up, jaded, 33 year old woman with a 17 year old child, a cheating ex-husband, and a list of trust issues a mile long. Not to mention cancer. <br /> The cancer alone would be enough to scare the strongest of suitors away. What am I even thinking about. It&#039;s been 3 days since I caught my husband, deep inside of that woman and I&#039;m over here thinking about future relationships.<br /> I shouldn&#039;t be thinking of these things. Especially things that will never happen. I knew that my walls were being built up as high and as strong as they possibly could be and I would make sure that no one would ever be able to tear them down.<br /> Dressed in my mint green scrubs, white lab coat, and a stethoscope around my neck, I looked in the mirror. I looked tired, my face was puffy like I had been crying for days, which I had. My green eyes were dulled out to almost grey. My golden hair was flat and lifeless.<br /> I looked haggard but Rachel peeked her head in and whispered “You are the most beautiful woman I know. You&#039;re going to get through this.” her hot pink scrubs with paw prints on them only flattered her every curve.<br /> I narrowed my eyes at her lying hip. “Don&#039;t even give me that look. You are veterinarian. If only I swung that way.” She whistled and swatted at my hip and I couldn&#039;t help but chuckle. She always knew how to cheer me up.<br /> “So let&#039;s go out for drinks tonight. We never really got to celebrate you getting this job, and we need some spirit therapy. After all spirit always listens.”<br /> “Gage has football practice, and Mondays are slow anyways. Please.” She poked out her bottom lip and widened her eyes.<br /> “Fine. Just a couple of drinks. I start Chemo this week and can&#039;t drink a lot. Brian said that if I am going to drink, I will need to limit it to one glass of spirit a day.” she lowered her eyes and nodded.<br /> “I almost forgot about that. It just doesn&#039;t seem real. You know I&#039;m behind you every step of the way, right?” I nodded and hugged her. It was true she was an amazing friend. I trusted her wholly.<br /> I peeked in on Gage and saw him sleeping. I went over to him and rubbed his head like I used to do when he was a toddler. Oh, how I wish they could stay small forever. This world is too unkind sometimes. I knew the moment I laid eyes on him that I would be there for him for everything. I wouldn&#039;t let him go through life alone like I had. I wanted him to know that he always had me, no matter what.<br /> “Don&#039;t be late for school. I&#039;m going to work.” the guest bedroom he was sleeping in was almost too small for him and it made me chuckle a bit seeing this growing boy nearly falling out of the bed. He groaned and gave me a thumbs up.<br /> “I love you, Son.”<br /> At work I had to sit down with the head veterinarian and explain to him my chemo schedule, which meant telling yet another person about it. In reality I just wanted to keep it to myself. I didn&#039;t need anyone taking pity on me or treating me differently.<br /> He patted me on the back and told me if I needed anything I just needed to ask. But at the moment I was currently trying to wrangle in a group of hyperactive puppies coming in for their checkups.<br /> “Oh, aren&#039;t you just the cutest little thing.” I squeaked, picking up one of the fluff balls. They were little husky puppies and boy were they working on those vocal chords.<br /> “Alright, so all of these little beauties are perfectly healthy. I recommend deworming them today and we can go ahead and give them their first rounds of shots. Also, would you like to have them microchipped for when they go to their new homes?” I looked at Mrs. Thompson, she was a spritely woman, so full of enthusiasm.<br /> “Of course, yes. Only 3 of the 4 are spoken for. This little guy is the only one who hasn&#039;t found his forever home yet.&quot; The pup in question was the red and white fluffer I was holding a bit ago.<br /> “Oh?” I asked. I knew it was wrong to interject into patients&#039; plans, but this little guy was just the cuddliest boy ever. She gave me a knowing smile.<br /> “You know, I think he likes you. I&#039;ve always called that one Finn.”<br /> It was so tempting, something I just didn&#039;t want to turn down. In a moment of weakness I thought about how every man has left me. My father, my husband, friends, and I thought, dogs are loyal, right? This little guy surely won&#039;t leave me.<br /> “I suppose he does need a home. And you are right, he does seem to like me…” she smirked and we finalized the rest of the details. I had somehow acquired a puppy. What just happened?<br /> Several patients, and layers of dog and cat hairs later and I was exhausted. The day was ending and Rachel had popped in my office several times to remind me of my promise for tonight.<br /> “Have you spoken to Lisa?” Rachel asked me when she walked into the room.<br /> “No, and I don&#039;t plan on it. She needs to forget that I exist. I have nothing nice to say to her and it would be better if I didn&#039;t say anything at all.” she nodded.<br /> “I know. I only ask because she&#039;s reaching out to me now trying to get to you. Want me to throat punch her? You know I will.” I snorted because she was being honest. I knew she would in a heartbeat. She was the brawler of the group and I was always the level headed.<br /> “Let me finish these charts and you can punch throats to your heart&#039;s content.”<br /> “So, you&#039;re going through with the divorce, yes?” she asked curiously. I nodded.<br /> “I think so. I just can&#039;t forgive it. 10 years. He had been sleeping with her for 10 years. He said he had been faithful since her and Brian got married but apparently she seduced him and he fell for it. I don&#039;t believe it. I don&#039;t believe one word of it. Even if it had been just one time... I couldn&#039;t forgive it. Unfaithfulness is where I draw the line.”

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