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Broken Road

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Broken Road

Here's where I talk about life as a mom of two teenage kids with special needs. I created this page

https://facebook.com/briellesvoice

Broken Road

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Stacie Servetah Sherman

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Woulda, shoulda, coulda<br /> <br /> Here’s what I wish I knew or did when I was a new autism mom.<br /> <br /> I wish I had taken Bree on a plane when she was little. By now she would have been a pro. Flying with her was something I talked myself out of doing numerous times, convincing myself the stress was not worth the effort. But I think it would have been. I would love to show her the world, see it from her perspective. I know many autism families that travel. I’m not saying I won’t ever take her on a plane. I’m a different kind of mom now than I was way back when. But it would have been a lot easier to start the process when Bree was little and easier to control. She can’t sit in my lap on a plane now. But she can definitely pop a Xanax.<br /> <br /> On a similar note, I wish I had pushed her to try more activities, like riding a bike or a scooter or watching a movie in a theater or taking her to a show. I don’t know if she would have mastered these things, but plenty of kids like her have. It bothers me that Bree is so fixated on her iPad. Sometimes I have to take it from her just to convince her to go for a walk with me around the block. I have to nudge her to go for a swim, and even then, she won’t last longer than 10 minutes or so.<br /> <br /> I wish I knew then what I know now about our kids’ rights and entitlements. And that’s saying a lot, because I’m a journalist, and was obsessed with reading up on autism from the minute my kids were diagnosed. I knew a lot even back when my kids were little. But if I knew then what I know now, I would have fought harder. I would have been louder. I would have done more to make sure they had every single service available to them. I would have appealed those rejections. I would have taken out more life insurance.<br /> <br /> And I wish I did more. I know, I know, I have done a lot. My husband stopped me last week to tell me this as I was testing out this blog post on him. But what I’m saying is that I gave up too soon, on the special diets, the medicines, other treatments that could have helped. You never know until you try. And something that helps one kid, won’t help the other, and vice versa. But don’t stop trying.<br /> <br /> Some of these things did help. There were medicines that might have helped a lot, if I got us through more than a week of them without stopping. But I just couldn’t take the short-term pain and confusion in their eyes. I will never forget crouching in a claustrophobic oxygen chamber no bigger than a toddler bed with both my young kids after reading about its potential brain benefits. Let’s just say, they didn’t like it, and we didn’t last long. My son begged me for months after to never put him in the spaceship ever again.<br /> <br /> And then there was the six-month period I put us all on a gluten-free and casein-free diet. Brielle lost so much weight I was scared someone was going to call DYFS on me. And my son was extremely unhappy, especially when I brought our own crappy food to a big family night out at a great Chinese restaurant. That was hell.<br /> <br /> I wish I didn’t let toddler Brielle set the rules of the kitchen. Autism scared me into giving Brielle whatever food I knew she would eat the most of, and not pushing her to try new foods. As a result, she spent many years on a diet of pasta, rice, chicken nuggets and French fries. I really think that’s why so many autism kids have digestive issues — because they are not getting enough of the fruits and vegetables and other healthy foods to help their stomachs. It was not until Brielle was 9 or 10 that I began pushing the issue. Thanks to an incredible teacher, Brielle’s school started a feeding sensitivity program that introduced my daughter to many new foods.<br /> <br /> Don’t get me wrong, Brielle still loves her carbs. But she also loves her bananas and watermelon, her hummus (hold the pita chips and carrots, just give her a spoon) and her salad (with Caesar or ranch dressing). She is open to trying new foods, even if she doesn’t like many of them. And her digestive issues are better as a result.<br /> <br /> I wish I had cared less then what people thought. I kept Brielle out of restaurants. I apologized when she got loud in public. I didn’t enroll her in more “normal” child activities. It’s only the past decade or so that I changed. My rock star of a husband taught me that they don’t matter. They are not relevant. Let them stare, let them whisper. We don’t care. So I take my daughter to every restaurant, let her jump up and down and sway to the music on her iPad. We go to every store, and we run down the supermarket aisle because it makes her laugh. We accept people’s invitations to their homes, even if we only stay for a half hour or an hour. And you know what we have discovered? They are so many more wonderful, accepting, caring people in this world than there are idiots<br /> <br /> I wish I had established a support system when they were young. Instead, I was a stubborn idiot, refusing everyone’s help. As a result, I’m a freaking supermom, that’s right. I proved to myself I can do it all by myself. But I didn’t have to. In the past couple of years, I have let myself really depend on my husband. It took many, many years. But we are a team. I never had a team before. It’s a blessing. He’s a blessing.

Broken Road

https://facebook.com/briellesvoice